Do's & Don'ts To Truly Unseen Thailand

Typical Thai tourist beach where Thai people swim in the sea with their clothes on

Since our popular Webmastering buddie here, the certain…Mr Richard has decided to start up a bit of a funky series on travelling in Thailand I thought I’d complement his fine work with a blog along similar lines ….oh well, kind of!
Of course, ‘Unseen Thailand’ is a bit of an exaggeration! Thailand's Tourism Board has been using this slogan for a few years now but have failed to do little but point every single tourist in the same dull direction. So, I thought I’d take the opportunity to steal this catch-phrase and point yous all in a far clearer direction.

DO’S

>Do on eat on the street, perhaps the best food to be had – you have just as much chance of coming down with a case of the ‘Indian-belly’ at the nearest 5 star hotel.

>Do visit a local morning market – a truly unforgettable experience of smelly meats, loud vendors and a fleet of vegetable carts waiting to run you over.

>Do take a motorbike-taxi ride, speeding through the traffic like a Loony Tunes character you’ll be in for one darned… ‘scary experience’.

>Do try the local speciality ‘Papaya-Pok-Pok’(Somtum), if not… then the Thais will say ‘You have never truly been to Thailand’.

>Do, even if you don’t speak a word of Thai, stay in the middle of Nakhorn Nowhere or Buffaloburi for a few days , better than experiencing some corny episode of ‘Survivor Series’.

>Do pop over the Thai-Cambodian border into the border town of Poipet for the night, some folks may say it’s the worst border town dump in the world – but it’s one heck of an unforgettable wild-west experience.

>Do have a bevvie at some shack upcountry karaoke bar, can witness the local drunkards fighting over who is going to sing the next song.

>Do venture into Bangkok’s very own slum district of Klong Tery at 2 in the morning, completely off the tourist track…no further explanation necessary.

>Do hang around South Pattaya for the evening, great fun seeing all the newly-arrived naughty Arab males being chatted up by a 6 foot 2 ladyboy they think… is an actual girl.

>Do take the countryside train, even though the journey itself may feel like it takes a lifetime, it’s a great way to get a real feel for the rural Thai ways.

>Do take up the opportunity of staying with a Thai family, another great way to experience the life-style of the locals.

DON’TS

> Don’t go to a Farang infested beach, go to a Thai-style one – excellent place to see the locals stroll along the beach in long-sleeved jackets, huge huts and 50 proof sunblock plastered all over their faces.

>Don’t, as a male, bother buying some over-priced drink for a girl in a bar – completely pointless, just pop along to your nearest dept store and you’ll find lotsa lovely sales-assistant girls waiting to be chatted up for free.

>Don’t take one of Bangkok’s spanking new yellow air-con buses, enjoy the thrills and spills instead in one of the capital’s little green doorless three and a half wheeled ones, a truly manic experience.

>Don’t go on one of those pricey hotel tour-boat rides up the Chao Praya River, for the grand sum of nine baht - take a ride on the local express boat, you’ll get exactly the same view!

>Don’t spend all your time hanging around the usual tourist-haunted temples, go to a local upcountry one instead and you can chat to all the resident monks about ….football, latest Nokia models and the newest DVD releases.

>Don’t stay in and write postcards all night, enjoy an evening of ‘All the fun of the Temple Fair’, meditation and chanting are out – darts, bingo and bouncy castles are in.

>Don’t waste your valuable time at boring Farang discos, Bangkok’s massive Thai-style ones are one heck of an eye-opener.

>And don’t sacrifice any more of your precious time applying for a long-term visa in Thailand, the authorities in charge are highly experienced in wasting as much of your time as heavenly possible.

>Don’t fork out for a pricey ticket on Thai Airways, just take Air Asia instead - even though you may be delayed for an average of four hours you’ll be saving a small fortune. Even Thailand’s very own Prime Minister himself once said “Our national carrier is over-priced and a load of rubbish".

>Don’t hang around some gory guesthouse watching movies all night, check out the local TV Soap Operas, great insight into the mentality of the 'Thai family life'.

>And finally, don’t spend all your time in the city, at the beach or a tourist-orientated hill resort – take a trip into the countryside of Thailand’s very own ‘north-east’ (Isarn), lotsa rice whiskey, grilled chicken, sticky rice and friendly locals – not to be missed.
As usual, just a bitta fun and not too be taken too seriously - if you can think of any more advice to .....truly unseen Thailand... i'll look forward to reading them in the comments below.